woke up to this. sent this home. got slapped in the face by this. listen to music because of this. crying because of this getting high because of this. not getting high because of this. allowing this to break me. hating you and the others out of fear. collapse. the spinning world tells me your eyes and lips and hair cause extreme anxiety in the bar. staring at the wall at the lights at the ice at the paper is not like staring into your eyes.

wandering into and out of never quite knowing how the line ends before a thought or a new wave or expression falls the new explicitly reviving the old a sense forward of possibility of failure or success pleasing no one and replacing motion with stillness.